One question that comes up often when writing a personal blog is just how personal to get. Before embarking on Old Mom, Young Child, I debated (for instance) whether to refer to my child by his real name, his first initial, or a pseudonym. I settled on the last, both in respect of his privacy and to offer him a little protection, because, well, you never know.

How much of my personal life should I share to make this blog “authentic”? I wonder about this regularly. On the one hand, I’d like to have the cajones to just lay it all on the table (so to speak), but on the other, that seems like a truly boneheaded thing to do. Especially in this day and age when you can’t take stuff back: You never know where in cyberspace your shit is floating around.  Uh… so to speak.

A friend, whom I’ll call Sue Collins, left Facebook for privacy reasons. She was afraid the opinions and affiliations she disclosed might one day come back to haunt her. I told her, C’mon. Your name is Sue Collins. If one day somebody confronts you with something you wrote you can claim it was one of the other 63,452 Sue Collinses on Facebook.

Moi, last I checked I was the only Aviva Luria on Facebook. (There is an Aviv Luria, though. He’s a young Israeli.) Still, without being a complete moron about it (“Going on vacation. Door unlocked. I’m sure no one will steal the heirloom jewelry”) I make my posts available only to my Facebook friends and state my opinions pretty freely. I’m sure I piss even my friends off at times, but I truly consider airing my opinionated opinions on Facebook an expression of free speech. If someone decides not to hire me one day because I stated that Rick Perry is an ass (which is a fact, not an opinion), then they’ve saved me the misery of working for someone who doesn’t think Rick Perry is an ass. And that can only be a good thing.

But back to the question at hand, which is, in case you’re wondering, What is “authentic,” anyway? It’s not just an issue of what makes a blog, or a memoir, or novel, film or whatever else authentic, but what makes a person authentic? How can we tell if we, ourselves, are authentic in everyday life, or with our partners, or children?

One of the wonderful things about spending time with young children is their lack of skill at covering up who they really are. That’s not to say my little guy doesn’t exaggerate his injuries sometimes, or try out the persona of a friend, or pretend he’s Luke Skywalker. All these are experiments in branching out into other selves or ways of being or feelings or what-ifs, and perfectly understandable and healthy. But with most of us adults, we’ve built up layers and layers of sediment and rust and residue over the years, which we’ve carefully applied and accumulated in order to protect ourselves and to project certain images in different situations. Yet with each additional layer it becomes more and more difficult to strip down to our essential selves. You couldn’t remove some of that plaque with a chisel. What’s underneath it all? What the heck are we, anyway? Am I a jumble of my thoughts, impressions, feelings, opinions? Some might say my actions determine who I am, but what about motivations and intentions? Which is more real: my public or private self? If my tastes and sensibilities, opinions and even political affiliation (gasp!) change over time, am I the same person I once was?

Crap if I know.

There’s that old philosophical conundrum: You buy a car and keep it for decades. (Because you’re cheap or poor or sentimental—I don’t know why. Just work with me.) You replace the brakes, then the engine, then whatever else until, over the years, every last bit of that car has been replaced by a new part.

Is it the same car?

Sometimes, after running into someone I haven’t seen in years, I have this odd sensation. I’ve changed so much: my hair is shorter and grayer, I’ve aged, I’m skinnier or fatter than when they last saw me, I didn’t own this sweater then…. How the heck do they recognize me? What is it about me that’s the same, that makes me me?

That also raises the question of appearance, how much emphasis we put on it, and how much of our identity is wrapped up in it. When someone gets plastic surgery, aren’t they hoping it’ll change something more than the size of their nose? Really, aren’t we hoping a haircut, new makeup, those expensive new shoes will transform us more wholly, more profoundly?

And isn’t that very, very silly?

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Aviva Luria recently created the blog Old Mom, Young Child, which can be found at omyc.wordpress.com, a glimpse into the mind of a sometime writer who became a mom at the ripe age of 42. Aviva, who has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and a master’s in English and creative writing, has published work in an array of places, from The San Francisco Examiner and The National Post(one of Canada’s national newspapers) to the literary journals The Mississippi Review, Kalliope, andGrain,and the magazine Canadian Living. A radio junkie, she also contributed stories to a couple of CBC radio programs. (That’s in Canada, eh?)

Having grown up on Long Island, she has lived in London; San Francisco, Berkeley, and Davis, California; Ontario, Canada; and other odd and wonderful places. She lives with her husband, a physics professor, and their son, born in 2007, who is the wonder and light of her life.

It’s early January, and this time last year my husband and I were engaged in a feverish pursuit to find a preschool for our daughter.  Even though we live in Hamden, we’re spending the year as a family out in Berkeley, California.  In trying to conduct a long distance search for preschools, I came across the Berkeley Parents Network (http://parents.berkeley.edu/ ) which included parent reviews of area preschools which helped us whittle an overwhelming search down to four schools we wanted to visit.  Why don’t we have this in New Haven? I thought.  Hence, the idea for schoolHaven was born, and several months later, with the help of a group of dedicated parents and Kim’s support for incorporating us on kidHaven, we were live.

It’s great to have the freedom to choose your child’s school, but also overwhelming – you can’t possibly visit all of the options.  So schoolHaven helps to give you the advance information to conduct a manageable search.   I’ve visited enough preschools in the New Haven area and read amazing parent reviews on schoolHaven to know that there are many terrific options back home – one of which will hopefully be our base next year.  But many good preschools remain unreviewed, so as the preschool calendar heats up for next year, I wanted to take a few moments to reflect on the elements that make my daughter’s current preschool an incredible experience for our family, and invite others in the kidHaven/schoolHaven community to do the same.

Intentional philosophy:  One of the huge differences for me has been switching from a childcare setting to a preschool with an intentional educational philosophy.  Our daughter’s current preschool, the Berkeley School, takes the best of the Montessori approach but adds in Reggio-Emilia, Howard Gardner, and other 20^th century educational innovations.  Her school follows the Montessori structure of giving kids time to do independent work, and teaches them to respect and take care of a beautiful classroom.  Kids and parents alike know that the large green carpet is for building, so we all walk around it on our way to the cubbies, and elaborate block constructions can stay up untouched for several days.  For a kid whose mantra early on was “I do it myself!” Montessori is a great match.  She is now eager to pour and cut on her own, she has learned how to push in her chair without scraping the floor, and she leads the family in saying a grace that her class says every day before having lunch at little tables with tablecloths and cloth napkins.

“Thank you precious Earth for this beautiful food which will nourish our bodies and help us grow.  May people all over the world, and all living things, have good food to eat, a home to live in,  and many reasons to be happy.  Buon appetito.  Namaste.”  The grandparents go nuts when they hear this.

Highly trained and experienced teachers:  Last year, I asked our daughter’s teachers at our mid-year conference, “What is your plan for learning for the rest of the year?” and they shrugged, somewhat mystified.  The curriculum was centered around play, but they didn’t have the language or training to discuss how that was important for a two year old.  She was in a safe environment where she was loved and cared for, but now with experienced teachers, our daughter is more than a cute child who does funny things – they keenly observe her interests and her independent work, her artistic development  and social interactions and help us navigate the tricky waters of the preschool social hierarchy.

Part of this comes with treating preschool teachers as professionals, paying them more so that it is a sustainable profession which rewards expertise (although no one is ever paid enough for the work that they do).  Given how much we paid in child care last year, I was astonished at how little our daughters’ teachers were paid, and her school lost several excellent teachers for salary reasons.

Exciting curriculum:  As a former teacher, I’m already an educational-philosophy geek, but my husband was blown away by the intellectual intensity of her teachers at the parent open house.  They talked for a long time about a year-long plan to focus on many types of block building.  They mentioned in passing about the peace table to teach the kids independent conflict resolution.   They are growing mushrooms and winter peas, and have cooked French toast, tomato mozzarella salad and a winter stew with the kids.   They have yoga and music class every week.  Today they’re starting a unit on mosaics.

Other great features: The outdoor play area is beautiful: kids climb a stone and dirt berm, ride red tricycles around a circular sidewalk, and play in a playhouse with a working “outhouse” toilet attached.  We can walk to school and observing our neighborhood makes me feel much more of a sense of place than I do in our car-bound existence in Connecticut.  Not only are her classmates nice, but we like their parents: we’ve met most of our friends out here through the school.

Cons – Vacation schedule and fundraising expectations: I curse when I get another newsletter announcing another upcoming four day weekend with no backup childcare options – frequent inservice days seem better catered to families with a stay at home parent or a nanny rather than for working families. The steep tuition is magnified by the expectation that parents are also the primary school donors (a letter from the school’s development director cheerily announced, “While some parents may contribute as little as $500 a year, other parents are able to contribute more than $10,000 [to the annual fund]”).  I wonder, who are these parents?

The financial and vacation sacrifice is one we’re willing to make in order for our daughter to have this experience.  Going to the Berkeley School every day makes me feel happy, not just for her but for myself that a place of childhood magic exists in the world.

So in reflecting how transformative a good school can be not only for a child but for a whole family, and remembering my gratitude to the Berkeley Parents Network for directing me to the Berkeley school, can you help schoolHaven parents discover your wonderful school?   What are the key ingredients in making a school that you and your child love?  Please add yours today!  Email me at schoolhaven@email.com.

To borrow from The Clash: “Should they stay or should they go?”

Ever walk into a classroom or playgroup and the first thing you spot is a child with thick green mucus dripping out of their nose as they reach for the crayons, and think to yourself…Oh great! That’s what we’re heading for next?!  Kids and colds go hand in hand.  If we quarantined our kids every time they sniffled, we’d be home bound, and at the end of our rope by the end of winter.  Childhood is the time to build immunity.  By exposure to pathogens, we build up our immune vocabulary, so that when we encounter these bacteria and viruses in the future, our body has an armamentarium of antibodies ready to deploy!

That said, there are many steps we take to keep our bodies healthy.  Nutritious food, adequate sleep, and hand washing are just a few ways we avoid contracting the bug du jour.

We have all been there… incredibly busy day ahead, no childcare options, and your child wakes inconveniently with a fever.  Well, they did eat a little breakfast, and they don’t look sooo bad, should they stay or should they go?  A frequently asked question in my practice is: “How do I know when I need to keep my child home?”

Fever:  If your child has had a fever within 24 hours, most schools, daycares, or playgroups wisely ask you not to bring your child.  Fever is a signthat our bodies are actively fighting infection, your body turning up the heat to ask the unwelcome visitor (bacteria or virus) to leave.  Daycare staff and school nurses report phenomenon called “The 11 am fever.”  This occurs when a child is given fever reducing medicine in the morning, and then dropped off.  Once the medication wears off, they spike a fever again and you are called to pick them up.  Not fair to child or their classmates.

Mild Cough/Runny Nose:  If there’s no fever, the child feels fairly good, the cough is mild and intermittent, and the mucus is mostly clear, your child should be able to participate in school or playgroups. Teach your child to cover their cough with the crook of their elbow instead of their hands to prevent transmission, blow their runny nose, and to wash hands often.

Severe Cough/Cold Symptoms
Children with severe bouts of coughing need to stay home. These symptoms indicate a more serious infection such as bronchitis, the flu or pneumonia.  A visit to your doctor may be appropriate.  Once your child starts feeling better and the cough is resolving, they may return to group activities.

Diarrhea:  Viral diarrhea is incredibly contagious and kids with viral diarrhea should be kept out of settings that require diaper changes and thus exposing other children. Large amounts of rotavirus are shed in the stool of infected persons and the virus can be easily spread via contaminated hands and objects, such as toys.  Hand washing is a must, but even with stringent hygiene, it is still very contagious.  Keep your child home until the illness is over, and for 24 hours after the last episode (without medicine). Blood or mucus in the stool can indicate a bacterial infection or more serious condition.  Consult your doctor if these symptoms are present.

Sore Throat A minor sore throat is usually not a problem, but a severe sore throat could be strep throat. Other symptoms of strep can include headache, fever, and tender lymph nodes.  If your child tests positive for strep, he or she can return to school 24 hours after beginning antibiotic treatment.

Vomiting: Vomiting is a tricky one.  Kids vomit for many reasons.  Glob of mucus in the throat from cough or post nasal drip, headstands  or exuberant bouncing  after eating, or even an allergy to a new food.  Rule of thumb, if your child vomits more than once or appears ill (fever, decreased appetite, diarrhea, runny nose) and vomits, it is probably viral. Stay home until no vomiting for 24 hours and child is able to hold down fluids and food.

Fatigue: if your child is exhausted, not eating as usual, and appears ill, even without a fever or localizing symptoms, it is wise to let them rest and recuperate.

Social/emotional symptoms: Sometimes there are non-infectious reasons for children to feel sick.  Emotional or social difficulty at school or at home can manifest as physical complaints.  Somatization is the experience of physical symptoms brought on by psycho-social or emotional causes.  Common complaints include recurrent headaches, stomach aches, etc.  It is important to talk to your child (and listen!) and seek professional advice if symptoms persist.

If your child is feeling low and slow, but not actually sick yet, and you suspect that they are starting to come down with something, consider slowing down the pace.  Extra couch time reading stories or watching movies, missing non-essential activities, a little extra attention to healthy foods, and sleep can help your child bolster their immune system and prevent getting sick.  We don’t always have the luxury of slowing down, but you know the old saying…an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

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Amanda M. Levitt, ND  has been practicing as a board certified naturopathic physician for over 10 years, applying her expertise in nutrition, herbal medicine, and other natural therapies to treat digestive problems, women’s health issues, pediatric conditions, and a wide range of general health concerns. Dr. Levitt is an owner and practicing physician at Whole Health Natural Family Medicine in Hamden, CT.  Dr. Levitt has three beautiful children and a wonderfully supportive husband.

“I, I, I, I, I, I, I have a decision,” announced our 3 year old granddaughter.  This was not the first time that I’ve heard her stutter.  In fact, she was repeating words, part of words, and phrases ever since she started talking at about 18 months.  She is now three and a half, and unlike many of the children I work with speaks in long, complicated sentences.

Of course I wanted to know what decision “she had,” but being a speech pathologist who has helped many, many parents and children deal with speech and language issues for over 43 years, I find myself, at times, listening to how she talks rather than to what she is saying.

I know that it is important to hear the content of what a child says, but I also know that ignoring breakdowns in communication until a child is 5 or 6 is misguided.  One percent of all children, worldwide, will grow up to be people who stutter.  Ignoring the stutter and waiting to see if the child will “outgrow” the behavior is not advisable. 

As a Board Recognized Specialist in Fluency Disorders, I can listen to my granddaughter and know that she will most likely be one of the 80% of stuttering children who will outgrow their disfluencies and grow up without the burden of stuttering.  She does not demonstrate most of the basic Risk Factors for Stuttering.  Only one applies to her:  stuttering longer than 6 months.

If you have a child whose fluency concerns you, check out The Preschool Stuttering Screen for Health Care Professionals (PSSHCP), below.  It was published by Joseph Donaher, Christina Deery, and Sarah Vogel, speech pathologists at University of Pennsylvania Medical School.

PSSHCP – RISK FACTORS FOR STUTTERING

Is the child a boy?                                                                                YES   NO Do any family members (including brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, aunts, or uncles) stutter?                                                      YES   NO Did any family members stutter for a period when they were younger?     YES   NO Have the behaviors persisted for more than 6 months?                            YES   NO Are the behaviors happening more often or becoming more severe?         YES   NO Does the child always stutter?                                                                YES   NO Have others noticed or commented on the child’s speech?                        YES   NO Does the child appear to be pushing his/her words out, or physically struggling while talking?                                                                                 YES   NO Does the child ever appear to avoid talking because of concerns with his/her speech?                                                                                             YES   NO Does the child or family appear increasingly worried, fearful, or frustrated by the stuttering behaviors?                                                             YES   NO

“YES” answers indicate greater level of concern

Remember when looking at this list that it is informal, has no critical cut off point and that no one item is more important than another.

So, how do you decide what to do if your child’s speech is disfluent?

1. It is not always an easy decision, but there are some guidelines that should make it easier for everyone.  First, know the risk factors listed above.
2. Second, know that it is important not to ignore the behavior because we still cannot fully predict who will and will not out grow their stutter.  Check with a trained professional – a speech and language pathologist who has experience treating stuttering – who can determine whether a more formal evaluation is necessary.
3. Third, it is very important that these steps be taken early.  Research has shown that maximum benefits can be achieved when the appropriate stuttering therapy is provided while a child’s brain is still malleable and the neurological pathways are not yet “hard wired.”  In other words, some time before the child starts kindergarten.  Waiting to speak to a professional until a child is 5 or even 6 is late, and carries a risk of increased resistance to effective therapy.

If a child is three or older, you can always call your public school and speak to a speech pathologist.  Or you can call our clinic.  We offer free stuttering screenings over the phone or in person for children 6 and under.  There are also some good websites that can be very helpful: Stuttering Home Page, http://www.mnsu.edu/comdis/kuster/stutter.html, National Stuttering Association, http://www.nsastutter.org/, and the Stuttering Foundation http://www.stutteringhelp.org/.Their suggestion can help you sort out how best to help your disfluent preschooler.

Our granddaughter is now 3½, and that decision that she “had” has long been forgotten, but not the gem of language usage cherished by a grandmother who, when her own children were little, was much too harried to remember much about their speech.

And as for her stuttering……it’s mostly gone.  I realized it on Veteran’s Day as we rode up and down in the glass-walled elevators at the CT Science Museum in Hartford, were videotaped dancing in the kid’s TV, threw paper cups that spun like helicopters into the air.  Her speech is fine; I am no longer distracted by how she speaks!

Alida Engel CCC/SLP, BRS-FD

Board Recognized Specialist in Fluency Disorders

801 Edgewood Ave.

New Haven, CT 06515

203-397-3224

CenterForSpeechAndLearning.com 

We have begun, in earnest, the search for a kindergarten for Jonah, and I’ve been just a bit overwhelmed. The town in which we live, unfortunately, does not have a good reputation when it comes to schools and didn’t even before they laid off about 50 teachers last year. Stupid decision to buy a house in this town? Why, yes. But to explain ourselves a little, things weren’t looking rosy in the child-bearing department at the time so we didn’t give serious consideration to schools.

So here we are. Fortunately, we can apply to the New Haven magnet schools and plan to; there is one we are particularly interested in. But while I want to support public schools (I believe in public education and both my parents were public-school teachers), I harbor a few worries. First off, as we face more and more cutbacks in these financially treacherous times, will things considered extras, like the arts and recess, be eliminated, or reduced? Will classes become larger, necessitating greater emphasis on keeping kids under control? My little guy is a bright, curious, spirited dude with tremendous energy; he can’t always control it, either. Yes, he needs to learn how to take charge of his energy, but being in an environment in which he’s punished for his physical exuberance doesn’t sound like auspicious beginning to his academic career.

We’re looking at private schools, including a couple that only offer pre-school and kindergarten. (In other words, if he attended one of these, he’d be there only for one year.) He and I visited one yesterday and I was amazed. I’d heard great things about it, but it was beyond my expectations: an exciting, stimulating, nurturing environment, one in which a child’s question leads to an exploration of an idea from every possible angle, involving reading, writing, math, and scientific discovery. The kindergarten space was large, inviting, and dynamic without being twee. (I’m not into twee, even for the wee.)

We are also looking into a couple of K-8 private schools, one of which is considered the best in the area and both of which have wonderful things to offer. Both, not surprisingly, are very expensive. Will they offer us financial aid? Will they accept our little snuglet? This, of course, can’t be taken for granted, and is headache-inducing question. How do you prepare a wild, hilarious, vivacious child for such an interview without putting him under pressure? I would never in a million years let him in on the news that the interview will largely determine his being admitted, but I do have to find the right words to be sure he’s on his best behavior. It’s a delicate situation, that.

What is it I want for my child? A stimulating, challenging, nurturing school environment in which his love for learning is encouraged, his strengths and interests guided, and his weaknesses bolstered. A place where he can learn who he is and feel comfortable in that understanding. I want him to sing and dance and make discoveries, to write poetry and stories and use every color imaginable to depict his fabulously demented view of the universe, to create and share and learn from those around him. What I don’t want for him: An atmosphere in which learning is a chore, being smart a liability.

It’s a tragic thing that so many of us can’t expect the best from our public schools, that we have to consider all sorts of alternatives to find the best place for our kids to learn. And despite NCLB and other efforts (or because of them?), we hear story upon story about large numbers of high-school kids unable to name our Vice President or find Italy on a map. What are we doing wrong?

I’m not an expert in education. When I visit schools and meet teachers who’ve been working with kids for thirty-plus years, I find myself at a loss for intelligent questions. My child is truly wonderful, I want to say. Can you see that? Can you help us do what’s best for him? That’s all I ask. After all, I’m still not entirely sure what that is: what’s best for him. I’m eternally trying to find out.

And I don’t want to sound as though I’m down on public schools. Jonah’s good friend started kindergarten at a private school with a great reputation. But it turns out that so many parents have kept their children back a year that, at 5 years old, he’s one of the youngest in his class. And T, this little boy, is a bright kid, a sweet kid, a truly special kid whose parents are involved and loving and accomplished themselves. But during his parents’ first parent-teacher conference, the teachers said to them, “T can’t read.” As if he were behind. So now his mom is working with him at home, using flash cards, to catch him up, although really, he’s right where he ought to be. Because he’s five and he’s in kindergarten, and once, not so long ago, kindergarten was for going over the alphabet and coloring and taking naps, and everyone was all right with that. Then kindergarten became the grade in which kids were taught to read. Now, it seems, at least in some schools, kids are expected to arrive at kindergarten already reading.

And that, my friends, is just messed up.

…

Aviva Luria recently created the blog Old Mom, Young Child, which can be found at omyc.wordpress.com, a glimpse into the mind of a sometime writer who became a mom at the ripe age of 42. Aviva, who has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and a master’s in English and creative writing, has published work in an array of places, from The San Francisco Examiner and The National Post(one of Canada’s national newspapers) to the literary journals The Mississippi Review, Kalliope, andGrain,and the magazine Canadian Living. A radio junkie, she also contributed stories to a couple of CBC radio programs. (That’s in Canada, eh?)

Having grown up on Long Island, she has lived in London; San Francisco, Berkeley, and Davis, California; Ontario, Canada; and other odd and wonderful places. She lives with her husband, a physics professor, and their son, born in 2007, who is the wonder and light of her life.

Wash your Hands  Yes, mom was right… Hand washing is the most effective way to reduce transmission of viruses and bacteria. I have my children wash their hands as soon we walk in the door, before meals, after bathroom (of course!), and after coughing or sneezing.   Research is clear that antibacterial soaps are no more effective than plain soap and water at preventing infectious illness and there is a real concern about antibacterial soap contributing to bacterial resistance. Avoid Triclosan and other antibacterial ingredients in soaps that can promote “super bugs.” Let’s save antibiotics for when we really need them, not for every time we wash our hands.   If soap and water are not available, use of hand sanitizer is certainly better than not washing at all.

• Vitamin D

The majority of our Vitamin D is made by exposure of our skin to the sun.  It is difficult to maintain adequate levels at this latitude this time of year.  Vitamin D is found in small amounts in dietary sources, such as fish, eggs, fortified milk, and cod liver oil. Vitamin D is essential for the formation, growth, and repair of bones and for normal calcium absorption.  Vitamin D also has some important roles in immune function.  There is evidence that adequate vitamin D stores can prevent viral illnesses, such as colds and flus. Oral dosing of vitamin D3 is generally safe at 2,000 iu/day for the winter months.  A simple blood test, 25-hydroxy Vitamin D, can determine if you are deficient and help guide appropriate dosing.

• Elderberry

The flowers and berries of Sambucus nigra (Elderberry) contain flavonoids called anthocyanins.  These plant chemicals have anti-viral, anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties that protect cells from free radical damage and support your body’s immune system. Elderberry juice can be used to treat flu-like symptoms, such as fever, fatigue, headache, sore throat, cough, and aches, and shorten the duration of colds and flu.  I recommend taking elderberry syrup daily during winter months to prevent and reduce symptoms of viral illness.  Preparations should be made from cooked berries/flowers, not raw, to avoid a plant chemical that is potentially toxic.

• Sleep

Sleep is my drug of choice.  Research shows that people that get adequate sleep, 7-8 hours a night, have better immunity and a lower risk of health problems than those that get less than 6 hours a night.  Sleep deprivation has detrimental effects on our mood and energy, and makes us more prone to weight gain.  Poor sleep can also increase your susceptibility to bacterial and viral infections.  If you have difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep, there are many natural options to ensure a restful and restorative night.  Aim for 8 hours a night.

• Stress less!

There are a number of botanical medicines called adaptogens that help with stress modulation and immunity.  Some of my favorites include Eleuthrococcus senticosis (Siberian Ginseng), Rhodiola rosea (Arctic Rose), and Withania somnifera (Ashwaganda).   Consider consulting with a naturopathic physician or herbalist to ensure safe use.  There are also many lifestyle choices that affect our stress levels.  Many of our stresses are from within.  This is especially important around the holidays.   We all need some down- time to recharge our batteries.  Give yourself permission to care for yourself.  Decide what is important to you or your family about the holidays and prioritize the traditions that are most meaningful to you.   You can decide not to go to every holiday party, have everyone pitch in and bring a dish to make hosting easier, or choose to give to a charity instead of the stress of shopping for the perfect gifts.  If you don’t take your time, someone else will.

Here’s to a happy and healthy winter! 

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Amanda M. Levitt, ND  has been practicing as a board certified naturopathic physician for over 10 years, applying her expertise in nutrition, herbal medicine, and other natural therapies to treat digestive problems, women’s health issues, pediatric conditions, and a wide range of general health concerns. Dr. Levitt is an owner and practicing physician at Whole Health Natural Family Medicine in Hamden, CT.  Dr. Levitt has three beautiful children and a wonderfully supportive husband.

I had no idea when it would be or what it would entail…but I do now and let me tell you, I’m so excited (and I just can’t hide it…)!

I am “going back to work” and have accepted an offer to join the Alphabet Academy in Hamden, a place I’ve often referred to as ‘a best kept secret.’  I first learned about Alphabet Academy when I moved to the area over 3 years ago.  A (then new and now dear) friend would go on and on about how wonderful that place was for her son, “He’s soooo happy there!” she would say.  Fast forward 2 years.  kidHaven is well underway and a business relationship with Alphabet Academy is initiated.  Fast forward another year.  schoolHaven is launched and the Alphabet Academy parent reviews began to speak for themselves.  I definitely took note (again) because you see, I was beginning to contemplate my next move.  Little did I know my next move would be to the Alphabet Academy!

My Stay At Home Parent gig has been wonderful but challenging, lonely at times and completely fulfilling at others.  As the mantra goes for any SAHP, “Your kids are only young once.”  I am grateful for every minute.  Well, most minutes , minus the tantrums!  At the end of every day, it was the right thing for our family.  Shoot, if it wasn’t for my SAHP gig – there would be no kidHaven!  kidHaven began as a hobby of sorts – something to keep me sane while married to an over-worked husband after having just moved half-way across the country.  It was my way to connect to the outside world.  Little did I know I was creating a space for me to meet so many creative, talented, diverse, yougettheidea people.  I especially love knowing that kidHaven has become a helpful, local resource; and as a mom recently told me, “A household name.”

Even though the SAHP gig suited me well, I always knew I would go back to work.  Now that it’s here, I am excited and scared all at once.  It’s the right thing for our family now, just like Staying At Home was the right thing then.  It’s a transition and while I’m hopeful it will be seamless, I ain’t no fool.  It’s likely to be a little messy.  Feel free to send me your wise words of wisdom to help me get ready for the ride.

About now, my guess is that you’re wondering “What will happen to kidHaven?”  The answer: it will remain alive and well.  Promise.  Period.

And in case you’re also wondering, “How will you wear both hats, especially considering schoolHaven?”  The answer: schoolHaven represents a) the power of collaboration (you are a Godsend, Mira!) and b) the power of the people.  schoolHaven exists because YOU choose to tell us about your child’s school.  It has always been important to me that schoolHaven be reader-driven.  Mark my word – Alphabet Academy had rave reviews long before I considered joining the team!  In other words, I had nothing to do with all that praise and will do my darnest to keep it that way.  schoolHaven is a space I’ve co-created, but have left it to run itself because that’s the point, really.  It’s a place for you to tell us what you think about local schools, not me.  It started that way and it will stay that way.  Promise.

Alphabet Academy is expanding to a second site come February.  Amy, the owner and visionary behind Alphabet Academy early learning center, is the Executive Director.  Come 2012, Ms. Mireille will be the Director at the new location and I will be the Director at the Benham Street location.  Director – wow –  it feels strange letting that roll off onto paper, but I tell you, I am so ready.  Many years ago, when I took my first job as a teacher’s assistant in a Kindergarten classroom I knew I found my niche – I belonged in a school.  I still feel that way today.  To have this opportunity to step into even bigger shoes, is an offer I just can’t refuse.

Thomas Jefferson once said, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.”  The countless hours spent creating kidHaven continue to pay off in ways I never imagined.  This is the biggest reward to date.

To luck and hard work!  Cheers!

kim

Jonah and I went to our favorite local fair yesterday, Sunday in the Park. It’s a fundraiser for Edgerton Park, a sweet little enclave on a former estate that hosts greenhouses, a community garden, and a green slope perfect for rolling down if you’re a kid. (These days my boobs get in the way.)

Toward the end of the day I heard a mom ask a volunteer for one of the balloons that was marking the starting point for the horse-drawn wagon rides. Her kid really wanted a balloon and they were no longer selling them. The volunteer, a woman in her early twenties, obliged and asked which color her son would like.

He wanted the pink one.

So the mom and her friends tried to talk him out of it.

“Don’t you want the orange one?”

“What color is your bike? What color is your stroller? Orange, right?”

But he wanted pink.

While the volunteer was untying it, the mom told her friends that her son had asked for Dora underwear.

“Do they make Dora underwear for boys?” asked her friend.

“No,” said the mom. “I’m pretty sure they don’t.”

The volunteer chimed in as she handed the boy his pink balloon. “Diego is Dora’s cousin and he’s really cool! You can get Diego underwear!”

I kind of wanted to add my two cents, but my tendency is to do so and it’s not always welcome. (Surprise!) So I said nothing.

I’m sure if you asked these women if they’re afraid pink balloons or Dora underwear makes boys gay, they’d laugh and say, “Of course not!” And if you asked if they worried that these were signs that he would “turn out gay,” they’d deny that, too. They seemed like educated women, not Michelle Bachmann types. They weren’t about to put the kid into a “pray-the-gay-away” program.

Like many of us, that mom is probably concerned that her child will be different, that people will laugh at him. She’d rather her child carry a balloon that is a color little boys are expected to like because then she won’t be embarrassed, for herself and for her son.

Because when you’re just like everyone else, you avoid a lot of pain, right?

I mean… Right?

Jonah used to put socks on his hands and would actually leave the house while wearing them. As for his feet, he’d insist on wearing socks of different colors.

One time our neighbor, who is about six years older than Jonah, saw him take out his beloved Little Mermaid book.

“That’s for girls,” she said.

I explained, gently, that we didn’t say that in our house, that he liked The Little Mermaid and that was fine. She nodded and didn’t say anything else about it.

My son liked pink well enough until he came home from school telling me that pink was for girls and blue was for boys. (Damn thee, school!) He once asked me to buy him a Tinkerbell coloring book. (I did.) He also asked once for aMy Little Pony book but, because it was a load of crap, I didn’t.

But I’ll admit it: I have talked him out of stuff. I know I have.  I think I may even have tried, gently, to talk him out of the Tinkerbell coloring book. I probably suggested a “boys’” coloring book, maybe a Thomas one. These attitudes are pervasive and difficult to completely abandon.

You may have already seen this blog post, “My Son is Gay,” by a mom whose five-year-old son wanted to dress up as Daphne from Scooby Doo… and did. The post caused a huge stir on the Internet, both because of its title and because of the huge photo of her little boy dressed up in said costume, complete with orange wig and pink dress.

It is an awesome post. And I admire this mom greatly.

Being that my son wants to dress up as Harry Potter for Halloween, is about as boyish as they come (climbing on everything in sight, building spaceships, and playing superhero), he and I don’t generally face the sort of open disapproval that this mom and her little boy faced. And yet I have encountered a wide-eyed expression on the faces of people I thought were open minded when I’ve said that my son takes a dance class.

Yes, my son is a boyish kid bursting with testosterone, who loves trains and planes and automobiles, Spider-Man, his toy soldiers, Ariel from The Little Mermaid, and dancing and singing. He composes crazy songs that make his mama laugh and can seriously bust out the moves when we dance around our living room.

Since when was dancing just for girls? I don’t get that.

I doubt my son will “turn out to be gay.” Statistics lean toward “straight,” he’s already had crushes on girls, and he’s very much, as a friend of ours likes to joke, “a guy.” But if it does turn out he’s gay? I’ll love him every bit as much. It would not affect how I see him, value him, or adore him. Not one teensy little bit.

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Aviva Luria recently created the blog Old Mom, Young Child, which can be found at omyc.wordpress.com, a glimpse into the mind of a sometime writer who became a mom at the ripe age of 42. Aviva, who has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and a master’s in English and creative writing, has published work in an array of places, from The San Francisco Examiner and The National Post(one of Canada’s national newspapers) to the literary journals The Mississippi Review, Kalliope, andGrain,and the magazine Canadian Living. A radio junkie, she also contributed stories to a couple of CBC radio programs. (That’s in Canada, eh?)

Having grown up on Long Island, she has lived in London; San Francisco, Berkeley, and Davis, California; Ontario, Canada; and other odd and wonderful places. She lives with her husband, a physics professor, and their son, born in 2007, who is the wonder and light of her life.

As summers go, this has been a rough one. During a season that I usually associate with dialing things down and just enjoying the kids and the weather (and usually lots of time off), our family has experienced the complete opposite. And, frankly, we don’t like it.

I’d been searching for some time for a new job. I came to realize that the only thing I really loved about what I was doing was the flexibility I had: I could work from home if/when our schedules demanded, and flex my hours as needed. I loved leaving work early to get the kids and spend an hour or two playing before the rush of dinner, packing lunches, taking baths and getting ready for bed. But the pay was awful, and things were getting very stressful in the office and in our bank account, so I searched.

I started my new job in the middle of the summer. The pay is WAY better, so some of the budgeting stress is gone, and the environment here is exactly the right fit. One problem: it’s a nine to fiver, with a 30 minute commute (without traffic!), so my flexibility is gone, along with my ability to greet my kiddos off the school bus every day. Plus, new job=no vacation time, so we had to cancel a planned trip, and I had to work on E’s 5^th birthday, and on the last day of summer vacation, which I always take off to spend with the kids.

This is a serious adjustment for all of us, my husband included (and possibly most of all!) He is now the pick-up-the-kids-and-start-dinner guy. He can work from home a few times a week, and I can’t, so he’s also now the stay-home-with-the-sick-kid guy (and yes, this has happened twice already since I started the new job.)

Then there’s little Miss E. She is struggling. She misses me terribly, and she is having serious “I’m a big kid now” anxiety as she faces kindergarten. It caught us off guard, because she is a sassy one, typically fearless, so we thought this would be no problem. Instead, we had three solid weeks of her sobbing inconsolably from the time my husband picked her up from camp until bedtime or close to it. For the first time since she was a six month old baby, she clung to me desperately at drop off time. “Mommmmmyyyyy…don’t goooooooo!” Yep. My heart broke every single morning.

And, to be completely honest, I am not handling the transition that gracefully myself. In fact, there have been days when I would have liked to lay down on the couch with E and weep along with her. I want to be the pick-up-the-kids-and-start-dinner gal! And despite the coughing and occasional vomiting, snuggling a sick kid who’s home from school with the flu has a certain sweetness to it.

In the midst of all this, we arrived at the first day of kindergarten. I’m pleased to report that my little/big girl was all smiles that morning. She marched herself right up those bus steps, and wouldn’t even have looked back if the bus driver hadn’t said, “Look at Mommy so she can take a picture!” We just had to get her to that first day, and she was more than fine. Ask her how kindergarten is, and she’ll shout “GREAT!” in reply. One transition managed.

For the rest of the changes we’re facing, we’re finding a new rhythm as the weeks wear on and things are starting to feel more normal, even though this may not be our ideal “normal.” It might be soon, though, as we continue to find ways to optimize our new circumstances. I’ve found that I can use my 35 minute commute to catch up with friends and family on the phone, and run out on my lunch break to the nearby grocery store to pick up dog food instead of having to stop on the way home or drag the kids out before dinner. We plan our weekends a little bit better to maximize the now-scarce family time we have, and we have become even choosier about what activities and invitations we say “yes” to. Slowly but surely, we’re turning the strange into the everyday. It’s the best we can do, and I’d say it’s pretty good.

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Stephanie Nash is a mother of two: a brainy, hilarious nine-year-old son and a fearlessly awesome five-year-old daughter. A former English teacher, she is an editor for a small trade magazine, and a freelance marketing and PR writer/consultant. Someday, she will finish her YA fiction novel. Stephanie has a BA in Communications and English (with a minor in Theatre) from Fairfield University, plus a boatload of graduate credits that somehow do NOT equal a Master’s degree.

Stephanie, her husband and the kids share a charming and only slightly chaotic old cape with a ridiculous amount of pets. Join her as she chronicles her journey as a Definitely Not Perfect, but Mostly Together Mom.

Why is everyone compelled to give children junk food at every event?

Math night: colored popsicles, Choir: Processed ice cream and a bag of candy, religious school: ice cream with every imaginable topping.  It is ubiquitous! Even when I take my kids on a bike ride to a local park to see tadpoles and hike around, the well intentioned ranger offers a lollipop.  What is this need to ply our children with junk food at every possible opportunity?  Isn’t the experience reward enough? The last straw for me is when a group of parents wanted to buy a cotton candy machine for our school.  Once a year at Art Night (which is a fabulous, enriching event at our elementary school) the school rents a cotton candy machine.  Don’t ask me how this became a traditional or what in the world relates this junk with art…but ok, once a year, we can choose whether or not to partake.  Buying a machine is another matter. Besides issues of storage and cleaning, I can predict that at each and every school event, that machine would be rolled out so we would get our money’s worth!   Aren’t we supposed to be advocating for our children? 

I can tell from the way other parents roll their eyes, that they think I’m a bit much.  “What’s the big deal, it’s a party”…but you know what? It’s not just a party here and there anymore.  It is ubiquitous.  No longer are treats a treat! They are becoming a regular part of our kids’ diets.  As a naturopathic doctor and mom of three, I am passionate about nutrition and want my children to make good food choices that are actually health promoting.  Every day in my practice I educate my patients about nutrition.  With my pediatric patients, we talk about how foods help your immune system, help build muscles, give your brain the nutrients it needs to help with learning.  With older kids, I emphasize foods that will help their skin and hair look healthy and beautiful, help athletic performance, ok, and even make you look great in those new jeans.  Personally, I  need to eat healthfully and stay fit if I want to have a fighting chance of keeping up with my family, work and community involvement!

In our family, it is not about obesity, though the rate of obesity in America is increasing at an alarming rate.  It is about consistently choosing healthy options.  Whether it is a meal, a treat, a relationship, it is up to us as parents to advocate for our children. This is a topic of discussion in our household.  Hmm. You eat the healthiest food in your class. You have the best behavior and are in the highest reading group? Coincidence?  Maybe not.  We talk about this not to push kids to be perfect, but to emphasize that healthy choices have desirable benefits.

I feel vindicated when they turn down Hi-C or Sunny Delight, or decide not to eat the “chemical ice cream” or green yogurt.  I work hard as a parent to help them develop a palate that includes a variety of healthy foods, and to choose treats that have some nutritional merit.  They can trade in a junky snack for a more organic option.  I am not a purist.  I appreciate the indulgence of a little chocolate, some good ice cream or an icy frozen yogurt.  It’s not the sugar that I object to, though I do try to keep it to a minimum, it is the artificial colors, artificial flavors, high fructose corn syrup, and trans fats… to name a few ingredients that I don’t want my children to ingest. I would prefer them to have ice cream without chemicals, juice pops, frozen yogurt, home baked cookies, popcorn, or fruit kabobs with fresh whipped cream as a treat.  I can think of many other snacks that aren’t pure sugar with color, chemicals and artificial flavors.  Food doesn’t have to be laden with fat, sugar and chemicals to be delicious.

Why do I always have to be the heavy…the junk food police?  I find it frustrating as a parent to have to monitor what choices are available at every event and deal with my children bargaining and harassing me about junk food while I would rather be enjoying my meal and socializing.  If mostly healthy choices are offered, it limits the negotiations, meltdowns, and viral infections that often follow a sugar fest.  And hey, I would like to be the good guy sometimes too! The one who doles out the treats! If they receive junk food everywhere else, I never get to be the one to style them out with my healthier versions.  If junk foods were not present at every event, I don’t even think kids would miss them.  It is up to us to encourage a change in food climate.  School parties can include a cookie or brownie, but how about adding a fruit plate, and some cheese and crackers, carrots and hummus, yogurt and fruit.  Let’s teach our children and ourselves that every event doesn’t warrant binging on junk food, and that healthy foods or even the experience itself can be the reward.

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Amanda M. Levitt, ND  has been practicing as a board certified naturopathic physician for over 10 years, applying her expertise in nutrition, herbal medicine, and other natural therapies to treat digestive problems, women’s health issues, pediatric conditions, and a wide range of general health concerns. Dr. Levitt is an owner and practicing physician at Whole Health Natural Family Medicine in Hamden, CT.  Dr. Levitt has three beautiful children and a wonderfully supportive husband.

As the summer draws to a close and school days are upon us, it is important to think about back pack safety.

Back packs have long been a convenient way to carry books to school.  However, overloaded or worn improperly backpacks can cause pain, discomfort and damage. According to safety guidelines reported by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the maximum that a child should carry in their backpack should not exceed 10 to 20 % of their body weight. Several other organizations limit the weight to no more than 10-15% of their body weight — but less is always better.

When choosing a backpack make sure that:

• It is made of light weight material
• It has wide padded shoulder straps
• It has multiple compartments that will distribute the weight of little items
• A hip or waist belt is a plus

Straps that are too narrow can cause them to dig into the shoulders causing tingling, numbness and weakness in the arms and hands.

The best back pack with the right amount of weight worn improperly can also add to the risk of injury. Both shoulder straps should be worn.

Slinging a backpack over one shoulder can strain muscles. It may increase curvature of the spine. No low riding back packs–the straps should be tight enough hold it 2 inches above the waist. Heavier books get packed to the rear to evenly distribute loads.

Backpacks that are too heavy or incorrectly worn can pull a child backward. To compensate, a child may bend forward at the hips or arch the back, which can cause the spine to compress unnaturally. The heavy weight might cause some kids to develop shoulder, neck, and back pain. It can also lead to poor posture. Carrying a heavy pack changes the way a person walks and increases the risk of falling, particularly on stairs or other places where the backpack puts the student off balance.

So as we prepare for the early morning rush, helping with homework, PTA meetings and field trips, please ensure your child’s safety by checking his or her backpack so they are not over weighted and at risk of injuries to their back and neck.

Have a wonderful school year!!

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Dr. Eileen is one of only 10 ICA board certified pediatric chiropractors, which requires 3 years of post doctorate education and successful completion of the board exam.  In addition to chiropractic, Dr. Eileen has a Master’s Degree in Human Nutrition and a diplomate in acupuncture.  She has a family practice with a large population of her patients being pregnant women and pediatrics(newborn and up).  Visit www.dennywellness.com  for more information.

There was one day when I was in the eighth grade that I was standing in the school cafeteria after classes had ended. There was a group of people near me, some of whom I knew, and some of whom I didn’t. There was one young girl who I recognized from my church, but I had never introduced myself. I walked up to her, did the introduction thing, and her response was a surprisingly confident “Oh yeah! You’re that fat girl so-and-so was telling me about.” I can’t quite remember, but I must have stuttered some small response and then I walked away in my own amazement.

This event happened nearly 18 years ago, yet even now when I think about it, the palms of my hands sweat. The memory still upsets me, although I am not angry anymore. I don’t seek revenge. It has made me the forgiving person I am today. In junior high school I was chubby. And I was teased for being chubby. There may have been bigger kids than me, and there may have been kids who were teased more than me. That isn’t important. I am not trying to hang myself on a cross here, I am pretty sure that movie has been made. But my experience of being overweight and vulnerable left an undeniable imprint on my person. As a result, I developed a desire to be empathetic to others and to look beyond any outward appearance for who they are inside. I believe that as a result, I have become a relatively good judge of character.

Last month DH sent me a link. DH does not send me food related links ever. It is much more likely that he will send me a link to an SNL skit. So when I got the email entitled “Pretty Good Article about Childhood Obesity”, I took notice. The article began by describing a series of Georgia billboards in which obese children stand next to print such as “Big bones didn’t make me this way, big meals did.” The effect was almost pornographic. Parents were furious! The Georgia Children’s Health Alliance who created the ads said they were aimed at parents that need a wake-up call when it comes to their children’s health and weight. A doting parent can easily forgive a few pounds rather than get tough and stop buying junk food. However the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance called for the billboards removal due to the negative stigmatizing of overweight and obese children.

The article is excellent, and there are several very quotable sound bites included. Please read the full article if you get a chance. But in reading it I was left so confused, conflicted, and a little self-hating. On one hand, obese children are likely the most stigmatized group of children out there. Their obesity is on display. And it has been proven in study after study – stigmatization and bullying are not effective motivators for weight loss. In fact, it is believed that bullying increases the likelihood that one will continue to engage in behaviors that increase weight gain, creating an endless cycle. And furthermore, the article continues, overweight children are usually left out of the bullying discussion, which generally tends to center around sexual orientation, race and religion among others.

Yet I couldn’t help but stop and stare at the group called the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. I had no idea such a group even existed. Here I am, someone who has felt the verbal barbs of fat-hatred.  I am also someone that does not, under any circumstance, condone harassment.  Yet, I can’t say that I am rushing to exclaim that our obesity problem should just be overlooked so that people don’t feel bad. And I have a feeling that others think the same way. Conflicted is probably the best word to describe how I was feeling.

According to the NIDDK, a division of the US Department of Health and Human Services, two thirds of the US adult population is overweight or obese. Over one third of the US adult population is obese. Only about 5.7% of the population is considered extremely obese (BMI greater than 40). Obesity rates among the total population remained relatively even until 1980, when they took off. In the early 1990’s another spike is visible. Research remains inconclusive about the reasons for the various spikes.

Obesity is a national epidemic, as is the stigmatization and discrimination of overweight and obese people. And considering the depth of obesity in our nation, it is not just a case of the thin mocking the fat. It is likely that there are discriminators all along the size scale, simply discriminating against those larger than themselves. Perhaps some folks reading feel that discrimination and name calling should simply be an accepted ‘negative consequence’ of being overweight. Perhaps people assume that the overweight should be held personally responsible and should simply take action and lose weight to avoid ridicule. Perhaps some people worry that ending stigmatization sends the message that being overweight is perfectly fine even though it carries considerable health risks? I just can’t go there. I agree with that initial article DH sent me: being called a nasty name, or being left out of a social situation does nothing to help someone lose weight. It is far more likely that a ridiculed person will continue to gain weight as a result of the stigmatization.

However, I also agree that overlooking obesity and accepting it in order that no one ‘feels bad’ doesn’t really help the problem either. In 2009 CBS News reported that about 147 billion dollars were spent each year on obesity and the related illnesses associated with obesity. By comparison, only about $100 billion dollars were spent on all cancers combined. And for the individual, an obese person can expect personal health care costs of approximately 42% (or $1429) more than their regular weight counterpart. But costs aside, don’t forget that additional health care costs mean that someone is SICK. Despite the economic burden, an obese person can experience a reduced quality of life from chronic pain, joint degradation, fatigue, difficulty breathing, etc as it relates to their obesity. And let’s not forget, obesity is considered largely preventable by the medical field. We prevented it rather well until about 1980. So I understand the person who would say that to accept fatness is to accept a poor quality of life. But I believe that everyone deserves a better quality of life! It is counterintuitive to fully accept a condition that is bringing so many of our countrymen misery.

What I believe we really need to have is a healthy positive food culture in place that supports weight loss and the maintenance of a healthy weight. We place on a pedestal outrageous foods full of fat and sugar and try to counter it with celery sticks and low fat fake foods. Our eating habits are too high and too low. My approach since beginning my blog has been to eliminate most of the highs and lows of my diet. I try to eat a normal, healthy diet everyday. And while I certainly have celebration foods and will eat some small amounts of refined sugar, I tend to stay away from dishes that seem over the top. The Bacon Explosion comes to mind. How did we ever get to a place where we feel that eating that way is appropriate? The accepted notion that outrageous foods can be balanced in the diet with lower fat, lower calorie options is the hallmark of our sick food culture. And to those who want to exclusively eat these over the top ‘live your life to the fullest’ foods, obesity is certainly waiting around the corner.

With a name like The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, I assumed that their agenda would be to make you accept obesity or ‘fatness’. And accepting obesity to me is like accepting smoking. However that’s not what the NAAFA is. The NAAFA is an organization that wants to end the discrimination of fat people. Their website clearly states, “Fat people are discriminated against in all aspects of daily life, from employment to education to access to public accommodations, and even access to adequate medical care.” And I think most Americans know that this is wrong. Yet, we also know that it happens daily. I believe that it is important to fight obesity and not the obese person, all while not confusing the two.

When I began to write this post, along with feeling conflicted, silent is another word that comes to mind. Although I read that thought-provoking article over a month ago, I didn’t even consider writing a post about it until last week because I considered the topic too controversial. I feared my inability to adequately discuss all the angles of the topic, and I also feared upsetting others. It is likely that are many, many people are like me.  That is, I (we) don’t want to fully reject the stigmatization of being overweight for fear that it might encourage the problem to grow. But in the end, as I have sorted out my thoughts, my issues are not with the people who are overweight but with the culture that has allowed obesity to become such a problem. Discrimination against anyone because of their gender, race, religion OR weight is downright wrong. And it is not helping anyone get well. This broken food culture is what’s hurting us. It is making us sick. And it should not be condoned. All the medicine and diet plans in the world won’t help us if we still long to eat foods that make us sick.

Now it is your turn. What do you think? What questions has this post raised for you?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110501/ap_on_re_us/us_obesity_backlash

http://www.naafaonline.com/dev2/about/index.html

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/10/25/sunday/main5419040.shtml

http://win.niddk.nih.gov/statistics/

http://www.yaleruddcenter.org/resources/upload/docs/what/bias/WeightBiasStudy.pdf

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Christa O’Brien lives in New York City with her husband and her two very energentic little boys. She believes in real traditional foods, living without modern processed foods and cooking with kids. In addition to working full time she blogs about cooking and eating real food at The Table of Promise: One Family’s Search for a Better Meal.

Jonah and I want to move to Philadelphia. I’m not sure how long this will last, but we just returned from a four-day trip, just the two of us, and—despite some (inevitable?) challenges—had a pretty great time.

Wow. The Please Touch Museum, an incredible and imaginative kids’ museum. Its Alice in Wonderland section had a shrinking hallway and flamingos for hitting balls through playing-card-soldier arches. A grocery store with little shopping carts, goods you can fill them with, and cash registers where you can pretend to pay for them or play cashier. (And a kitchen with cabinets and fridges to stock.)

Wow. The Franklin Institute, with its gigantomous human heart. Pretend you’re a blood cell and take a trip through, learning about how the heart and lungs work together. A planetarium show on black holes—how can you beat that?! And a space exhibit where you can build your own Mars land rover and then test it out.

Wow. The Liberty Bell, in the flesh (so to speak)! And a sweet, knowledgeable park ranger who listened to the kids, engaged them, and handed out Liberty Bell cards for asking good questions.

Jonah and I happened upon an alleyway with a bumpy brick street, posts for securing your horse, buildings with wooden windows (now sealed shut), and lanterns (now containing energy-saving lightbulbs). We wondered what it might be like to live right in the middle of a busy city and yet on a quiet street belonging to another century.

We visited to a playground in a cute neighborhood with a huge Whole Foods and an ordinary grocery store on opposite corners. This is where I decided we should live. (I wonder what the rents are like?)

It’s ironic that shortly before we left, Terry Gross, whose interview program airs from WHYY, the Philadelphia NPR station, spoke to an education reporter from The Philadelphia Inquirer who’d written about the high number of federal investigations into charter schools in the Philadelphia area. Charges involve nepotism, embezzlement, and other nefarious deeds. And it arose during the conversation that many Philadelphia parents prefer charter schools because of the high level of violence in Philly public schools.

There is no Shangri-La, is there?

But it was good to get away, even for a short while. Good to be away from e-mail, and my Facebook addiction, and to have an anonymous someone supply us with clean towels each day. I loved that the hotel had large glass containers of fruit-infused water in the lobby. Jonah didn’t like them so much, probably because they also contained herbs, but I found it refreshing and healthy, as well as lovely to behold. Jonah came up with a similar concoction to create at home that included every type of food he could imagine, including cheese and peanut butter. (I’m hoping he doesn’t insist on trying it.)

They were the best of times, they were the worst of times, leading me once again to question my parenting skills, my sanity, my maturity. Jonah was in temper-tantrum mode, freaking out over my insistence that he use the potty (he needed to go every time) or have something to eat (he’d turn out to be famished). And I had moments of extreme stress, as when a Phlash bus driver gave us the incorrect time for the last bus from Franklin Square (which is not, as advertised, a wonderland, but a so-so park and playground with a cool carousel and expensive miniature golf course) and we ended up waiting in the rain for a bus that was not to come. Thunder and lightening ensued. I pulled out my transit map, which I found nearly impossible to make sense of, and found a station within walking distance (but a somewhat long walking distance for a four-year-old).

Being only about a third taller than he is, I can carry my child only for short periods; I then have to insist on his walking. This leads to conflict. His running and/or walking off at times also led to conflicts and stress and resentment (I’ve done all this for him and he’s so ungrateful! No—I didn’t actually say that to him. But I thought it.). I am not proud to report that on our last day, on a particularly long walk to that playground, I became so freakin’ frustrated at his walking away (and not listening to me) that I hurled his one-third-full plastic cup of milk from Starbucks onto the sidewalk, creating a mini milk explosion.

My internal jury is out on that one, though it did get us past our impasse. It got us talking. And we forgave each other. But was it one of our better moments? Not a chance.

…

Aviva Luria recently created the blog Old Mom, Young Child, which can be found at omyc.wordpress.com, a glimpse into the mind of a sometime writer who became a mom at the ripe age of 42. Aviva, who has a bachelor’s degree in philosophy and a master’s in English and creative writing, has published work in an array of places, from The San Francisco Examiner and The National Post(one of Canada’s national newspapers) to the literary journals The Mississippi Review, Kalliope, andGrain,and the magazine Canadian Living. A radio junkie, she also contributed stories to a couple of CBC radio programs. (That’s in Canada, eh?)

Having grown up on Long Island, she has lived in London; San Francisco, Berkeley, and Davis, California; Ontario, Canada; and other odd and wonderful places. She lives with her husband, a physics professor, and their son, born in 2007, who is the wonder and light of her life.

courtesy of fullhandsx3.blogspot.com

Family Biking Tidbits from One Family Bike Commuter

1. Find a bicycling friend.  When figuring out your family riding, go ahead and reach out to another bicyclist.  Perhaps you two can go for a ride together before adding the kids.  Maybe this bikey friend can help you plan a good route to get to the library that doesn’t take you on streets too busy with auto traffic.  Ask to try out another’s cargo bike.  Ride together to camp or school drop-off.  Even if you cannot find a cyclist right down the street, go ahead and reach out to others via the web.  When we first started family bike commuting, the folks we met through the Internet were invaluable.   We asked their advice and looked to them for inspiration.  It helps to see what others are doing and sometimes their example makes you stop and think, “Hey, maybe we could do that, too.”  We have found fellow bike folks, both local and virtual, to be extremely generous and open to our many questions.

2. Find a bike shop that makes you feel comfortable.  I admitted in my first post that I don’t wear padded bike shorts and have never fixed a bike flat on my own.  Sometimes it can seem intimidating to be around folks with far more technical knowledge about bicycles than I have, who race bikes, or train hundreds of miles each week on their skinny, fast cycles.  However, find a bike shop that makes you feel like you belong, too.  Many shops see the growing interest in bike commuting and everyday utilitarian cycling so they carry items beyond those skinny, fast road bikes.  Some shops are starting to cater more specifically to commuters or even specifically, cargo bikes.  We are extremely fortunate to be supported in our family biking adventures by one local shop, The Devil’s Gear, here in New Haven.  The folks who work there have always been enthusiastic and friendly with our family, helpful about ordering bikes/parts we need or want, and patient with our many questions and my sons’ desires to test out every bike horn in the shop, numerous times.

3. Check out New Haven’s Street Smarts Cycling Manual.  The New Haven area has a strong group of bike advocates in Elm City Cycling who have worked for years to make our local community a more bike-friendly place.  They have been aided by some solid partners in the city government, and in particular, those who work for the Street Smarts Campaign. Recently, Street Smarts published a helpful manual called “Smart Cycling: A Handbook for New Haven Bicyclists.”  It is worth it to read through this manual, perhaps more than once, and if your kids are an appropriate age, share it with them.  Learn the rules of the road and to use the words of Travis Wittwer, a committed family bicyclist from Portland, Oregon, “Be a visible, safe, competent, and courteous family on bikes for others to see that it is, indeed, safe.”

4. Start small. To quote from the U.S. Secretary of Transportation’s blog, Fast Lanes,

“High gas prices are hitting American families in their wallets and pockets pretty hard these days.  But did you know that more than 40 percent of urban trips in the United States are less than two miles, yet 90 percent of those short trip are taken by car?”

Go ahead and plan to take a bike ride once a week to start.  Think about one of those less-than-two-mile trips when you normally might take a car. Find a route on streets where you are comfortable riding.  The more you are out there on your bike, the more you’ll feel comfortable doing so on your bike. Likewise, the more family bicyclists out there on the road, the safer it is for all.  So take that one trip to start.  Make sure your gear is in good working order and you have all those provisions you need, kids’ snacks, sippy cups, etc. including a U-Lock (really, make this a part of your investment).  However, it doesn’t matter how long you ride for or how far you go, just give it a try.

courtesy of fullhands on Flickr

5. Have fun.  My family has had tons of adventures getting around town by bike. Some of those seemingly onerous parent errands suddenly became joyous when we did them together on our bikes.  So allow yourself to rediscover the joy you may have experienced pedaling out there as a kid or discover this joyful experience for the first time.  And if you need to reassure yourself, read Totcycle’s wonderful post “Is Family Cycling Safe?”  But mostly, mostly, have fun!

Sure, I had seen baby seats on the back of bikes and even the occasional Trail-a-Bike.  But beyond bike trailers, I was stumped by any biking options available to me as a momma of twins.  Feeling uncomfortable riding on city streets with the boys sitting low and far behind me, I didn’t think there was any way we could get around by bike. Thankfully, I was proved wrong and since our discovery of cargo bikes nearly three years ago, it is clear that the family biking options out there have grown.

Here are various family bike set-ups that accommodate a number of different aged children (click the links to see examples).

Child Seats

• Back: for toddlers and even for bigger kids up to 75 lbs
• Front: like this iBert,  the BoBike Mini, and the Yepp Mini
• Gotta love the mamafiets (mama-bikes) that have both front and back seats like this one and this one even equipped with a windshield.  The Japanese versions or “mamacharis” are incredible.

Bike Trailers

• Burleys are a brand many know but there are lots of options available out there, including ones that convert to strollers.

Trail-a-Bike/ Tag-Along

• These go by various names but they look like this and this and kids get to pedal along.
• Here’s a different take on this, where you can purchase a bracket to attach your child’s regular  bike to your own and tow him/her around this way.

Convertible bikes

• There are now products out there like the Zigo and the TrioBike that convert from a regular bike to a bike with front child carrier to a stroller. I was especially excited to see a Taga bike at the Wooster Square Cherry Blossom Festival this year. This local family had double seats (if only I had my camera with me).

Box Bikes/ Bucket Bikes/ Cargo Trikes

This is the cargo bike that started it all for us. Think of it as the minivan of bikes: space for multiple kids and all the stuff we schlep around with them.

• Bakfiets: The Dutch wheelbarrow-type-bucket-in-front bike like this, this, and this.   Here’s a couple of USA-made versions like the Joe’s Bike’s  and Metrofiets (hers even has an electric assist!) and Copenhagen’s Bullitt. Small tidbit: pronounced “bak-feet;” plural is “bakfietsen.”
• Madsen: US company with the Tupperware-like bucket in the back. There are a few local families riding Madsens and New Haven’s Devil’s Gear Bike Shop is a Madsen dealer.
• Boxcycle/Christiana Trikes: Some folks are more comfortable on three wheels instead of two.  Originally harder to find on the East Coast, these trikes are really popping up all around!  I was excited to see a few parked along the sidewalks last time I visited New York City.

Longtail Bikes

These cargo bikes have an extended tail that allows a rider to carry passengers and/or a whole lot of freight (like large furniture!).

• Xtracycle kits allow people to convert their existing bikes into longtail cargo bikes. Also, Xtracycle has ‘full’ bikes like the Radish and Big Dummy. Xtracycle owners can customize their bikes to fit their passengers, like here, here,  here, and here.  There are a number of Xtracycles in the area and more arriving each week it seems. The Devil’s Gear bike shop here in New Haven is an Xtracycle dealer.
• Yuba Mundo: This cargo bike is heavier than an Xtracycle and has a longer tail with built-in ‘running boards.’  See here and here. Like Xtras, Yuba owners can customize their bikes to fit their families’ needs: some add toddler seats, others stoker bars (handlebars for a back passenger).  Mundos can also be equipped with electric assists to help ride up hills or with extra heavy cargo.
•  Kona Ute: An example here.
• Sun Atlas Cargo: This is a relative newcomer in the longtail cargo bike family. It is especially intriguing because it seems to be one of the more affordable options out there.

Tandems/Triples

Some families ride with their kids using bicycles-built-for-two or tandems so the children can help with the pedaling. One can lower seats and/or raise pedals to fit younger riders.  The triples are most impressive.  Here’s a version you see less in the States with the stokers (riders not controlling the bike) up front and another example here, too.

I would be remiss not to recognize, that yes, the initial sticker shock on some of these cargo bikes can seem extremely prohibitive.  People continuously ask what we paid for our family bicycles.  Since we use our cargo bikes as an alternative to buying a second car, we figure with the cost of a car, insurance, gas, upkeep, and parking downtown, we’ve invested well.  However, if you are put off by the costs of these bikes, do not despair.  We’ve met a number of folks who have found their Xtracycles or Madsens on Craig’s List for a reduced cost. Also, as the demand for family cargo bikes grow, the market gets more competitive. I suspect we shall see lower-cost options, like the Sun Atlas Cargo, out there more and more.

And now for some photos of my favorite family bike set-ups where folks cobble together what works best for their crew like this, this, and this!